the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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