Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
