Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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