i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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