I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
