he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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