Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
This baby is an asshole
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
