Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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