just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Well I just put wine in my tea
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
