I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
