Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
