There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
