Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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