i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
