my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
