My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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