I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
