The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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