I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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