i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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