walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
