i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
