Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
