I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
