I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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