I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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