i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I looked at my own cervix.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
