My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
