just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
