She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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