Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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