I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Do you have feelings for this penis?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
