Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
