I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
She said her name was "party"
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
