Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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