My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
