I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
