I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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