I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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