Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
