No stitches, just platelets and will power
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
