His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
