STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
