drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
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are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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