Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
