I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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