My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
