didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
