tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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