I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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