when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
