I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
