I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
