He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
