I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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