The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.