You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
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Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
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Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious