I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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