in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
