I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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