She is in my trunk
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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