it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
