Whod you bang
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
