Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
