Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
