its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
