Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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