The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
