shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
