Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
