I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
