Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
