i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
