dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
