I met the friendliest cop last night
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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