Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
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Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
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Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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