batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
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